Naked Dancing into Promotions

I recently downloaded Spotify. For those of you not in the know, Spotify is this awesome European version of legal Napster (and it's streaming!). I'm pretty pumped to have it in America, because I can listen to Ke$ha's music without having to buy it (well, buy it in public).

Anyway, I was listening to the new Ke$ha album in the shower. (I wasn't fucking joking, I kind of love that no-talent skandadoodle dandy.) Ke$ha has this song called Sleazy, and it has this very hump-y boom boom beat.

Fun Fact: If I hear a hump-y boom boom beat, I have to dance to said hump-y boom boom beat.
Fun Fact #2: I still have to dance, even if I'm in the shower.
Not Fun Fact: Dancing in the shower is not a good option.

Anyway, as I was getting it sleazy and dropping down low, I slipped on the surface of the shower. As I was mid-power thrust, I fell forward, through my shower curtain (didn't rip it down though!), and then fell hard on my floor.

Naturally, my pride was bruised.
But...so were other parts of my body.

I went into work and the Member Coordinator (MC Activism = new nickname) of our organization stared at me awkwardly. (She is also newer to the organization, only starting 3 weeks before me.) She had the cojones to ask what was off with me. I told her the story and we laughed that it was probably best for my professional image, if I didn't tell people that I hurt myself ghetto booty poppin' to Ke$ha or any second rate femme fatale.

Today, in the office this really professional older woman that is leading a 54 non-profit campaign came into my office.

"Are you James?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, are you scheduled for an appointment with me? I didn't have you updated on my schedule..."
"No, but I've heard so much about you."
That is never good.

Flustered, MC Activism runs in and introduces the two of us. Apparently, she told the older woman that I was an amazing choreographer, singer, and super creative. (How she got that from me FALLING DOWN WHILE DANCING NAKED IN THE SHOWER is beyond me.) But, since homegirl was beyond both of our collective paygrades, I totally affirmed the situation.

She then asked, "Can you make up a flashmob to promote our initiative? We want as much attention as possible, so anything that you think might make people notice us"

Whaaaaaaaaa....? Paid to get people to notice me? It's every only child/younger child's dream.

I stared at MC Activism and she gave me a fuck-this-up-for-our-NGO-and-I-will-punch-your-face look, so I affirmed that I was a bangin' dancer and could totally kick some ass for the cause.

I can't fucking dance for the life of me, that's why I do it naked in the shower.
I do, however know one dance.
Yep, that's right: Beyonce is all up in my professional career...for the third fucking time since I grew up and graduated university.
(For those of you who may not know: Single Ladies started in Spain, moved to Budapest and UN dance parties, and then got transferred to Berlin to pwn forty year old bitches in dance-offs.)

Anyway, I had about twenty free minutes around lunch, so I looked up the lyrics to Single Ladies and then changed a few of them to be relevant to our initiative. I spent a solid twenty minutes on it and then explained a super basic idea of how to do it. I sent the e-mail to MC Activism and finished my carrots while daydreaming about the day when I can eat pizza again.

MC Activism retitled the e-mail to something like, "Formal Activism Plan for blah blah blah." Within the hour, non-profits from across the Denver area were e-mailing in about how excited they were for the initiative and asking how people can be a part of this.

Uh....what?

Now, MC Activism is trying to get me to choreograph a dance number, teach the lyrics to someone else, and then call the media so that we can stage some kind of activism flash mob in Denver.

Is it bad that I'm mainly concerned that my abs won't be ready in time and not that my professional career has been thus far dominated by Beyonce, Tyra Banks, and other batshit crazy female pop icons?

Gah, I have to go practice my power thrust.