Detox

You know what I succumb to? Peer pressure.

I'd like to say that I was totally self-reliant individual that is able to process information and make unbiased decisions.  But, I can't.  I consistently do stupid things, because all of my friends are doing it.  Would I jump off a bridge if everyone else did?  Maybe.  But, only if all the cool kids were doing it.

Currently, I am doing a detox.  My detox is a lot less strict that my roommate's or some of my other friends, but it pretty much sucks.  I'm avoiding sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and dairy.  Do you know what my four favorite things are?  Sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and dairy.

I have to go jogging to avoid my cravings for a cheeseburger.  Shit. be. real.

I have been on the detox since Ash Wednesday, so my life is been pretty boring.  Recently, in order to spice up my living...I decided that I would go shopping on Saturday to purchase a costume for my 80s Retox party next Saturday.

As I was trying on clothes at the Goodwill, I asked some family members to send some ridiculous 80s pants/shorts to Denver. Because, and I'm not joking or ironic when I say this, the Goodwill is too classy to have lots of tacky stuff.

Their response, "I have some 80s turquoise shorts."  The word booty and ridiculous was left out of the description, but I knew the ones that were being discussed.  As we were talking, I found another pair of shorts and said not to worry.  The response? "Thank goodness, I still wear them."  Gotta love family, right?

After purchasing some amazing 80s clothes, I decided that I would go to TJ Maxx to look for tube socks.  My parents decided to text me 80s fashion trends throughout the entire day.  Nothing says love like a text message that says "Miami vice blazers" or "headbands."  But, "tube socks" was one that I felt appropriately paired with the sick nasty green running shorts that I found.

What did I leave with from TJ Maxx?  About $70 worth of kitchen supplies, most of them revolving around baking.  I'm not 100% sure why I bought all of it, but my knife set was $35.  I think that's a grown-up bargain.  Grown ups need things like knife sets, right?

The most concerning about this whole detox thing (other than baking supply overpurchases) is that I have already lost 5 lbs and my stomach is super tight, not cut, just tight.  Gah.  I am not a healthy person.

Also, tube socks are friggin' impossible to find.

Ash Wednesday

You are dust, and to dust you shall return.

I know that it's really weird to say, but Lent and Ash Wednesday are probably my favorite holidays of the year.  Last year, I failed at my lenten resolution...but, don't worry, Jesus is a pretty forgiving dude.  

I'm not sure why I like Lent so much.  I think it is because Lent is a challenge.  Lent is participatory, and I don't think that Lent has been co-opted like other holidays.  Arguing that Christmas is anything but commercial is...challenging. What part of American society advocates going without?  Our society is focused on conspicuous consumption, so it's nice to peace out of that mindset for a solid 40 days.

This Lent, I am giving up:

-television

-groupons

-binge eating

I'm excited about the whole schpeel, and 2 days into Lent...I have yet to watch television or stress eat.  Which is pretty awesome.  

Getting ashes on ash wednesday is weird, because all of a sudden....people want to comment on your face.  Don't get me wrong, I normally like to be noticed...but, I don't like to be in the position of educating people about my faith.  Especially, since I'm a beige Catholic.  (Thank you, Father Andrew Greeley.)

This was actually the best ash job that I ever got.  Can you call it an ash job?

Also, I probably should have realized that getting ashes and then going off to a job fair....was going to be awkward.  One student literally just stopped and stared at my head, looked around, and then started to wipe his forward.  When I explained that I was Catholic, he responded "me too..."  With a perplexed look, he told me that I had stuff on my face.  #catholicfail

Another woman came up to me and started to pray.  I'm not really comfortable with public prayer.  I love Jesus, but I love Jesus in my own private way.  I don't need people to be all up in my biz-nass... especially, whenever I am recruiting at a job fair. Bitch, didn't get the job.  She was not able to read people well. 

After the recruitment fair, I went and volunteered at One Colorado, which is advocating for marriage equality in Colorado.  As Catholics have threatened to remove all aid if civil unions...it was weird to walk in the door and be greeted with some stank face.  But, I made really awesome press folders, and everyone was okay with it.  Well, to my face at least.

All in all, it was a pretty solid day.  I'm excited to continue on with the season, attend church, increase my almsgiving, and learn to go without.  It should be a pretty epic adventure.

Also--since I'm not watching tv anymore, this blog is going to be blowing up.  I'd get excited for my meanderings too.

When I haven't been stress-eating...

I hadn't really blogged too much in the past few weeks, as I have been having a semi-emotional crisis and eating a ridiculous amount of food.  For some reason, whenever I am stressed...my go to version of coping is watching shitty reality television and cooking frozen pizzas.  Dubs e.  I'll probably grow out of that someday....or just get fat.

Here are some weird things I did:

Had friends dress me before I went out.  Is my face covered in stars?  Yes. Should I care about how I look before I go into public spaces?  Jury is out.

Had a 10 person brunch at my house, where this lovely lady stopped over!  Miss V makes my day, and is definitely my favorite kid with swag.  Also, I totally think she could be a United Color of Benneton baby.  Right?

Know what makes any brunch amazing?  A juicer...and champagne.

I met two pornstars. (Just weird.) 

And I got to have a really long skype conversation with one of my former Hungarian students.  I do miss my Hungarian students and their social awkwardness around my glorious American-ness.  My favorite quotation from the convo:  "I read your blog. Do you have sex with all the women that are pictured?"

Seriously?  #magyarwin

Life is Funny

Life changes really quickly.  Especially mine.  

9 months ago, I was convinced that I was going to be closing the achievement gap by leading a highly effective classroom.  

6 months ago, I would have told you that I was going to change the world through effective grassroots organizing. 

Today, I am saying that I want to make a goddamn livable wage and don't give two shits about changing the world.  And, more importantly, I did not get a $250,000 education to become a glorified secretary.  Though I do like my job and my work colleagues, I put in my two weeks notice on Friday and accepted the business manager position at a local university.  The pay increase is putting me in the solid middle class range.  $12,000 more a year?  Hell yeah, we can live like this.

Anyway, my eggs are mostly hatched.  I am still waiting to hear back from graduate school, and will evaluate things once I get the financial aid packages from those universities. But, it looks like working here for 6 months and then moving on to graduate school...and potentially living back home with my parents. (SURPRISE, DAD!)

I'm really zen about the whole process, and it's a bit strange to feel so...relaxed. I think that some of the early conversations I had about taking the new position (and potentially quitting in a few months), were not the most productive.  And, well, everyone does have different ideas.  Is it professional for me to keep changing jobs every 6 months?  No, not really.  But, at the same time, I keep getting jobs. So.....it might not be as concerning as I thought.

I asked several of my friends for advice about the job/graduate school/life.  And the response was an overwhelming..."you work for how much?  you are worth triple that in the private sector."  My favorite advice came from one of my fraternity brothers: 

"I say go for it.  Take this job.  Then take grad school.  Then take consulting.  Then take a sick salary. Then take developmental work.  Then show up in research journals for the work you do.  Then become a major figure in development.  That's pretty much the life path I envision for you.  Hope that's okay."

Most everyone seemed to support the notion that I should get more money and then go to graduate school to...make more money/work for the UN.  Having my mini-life crisis was actually pretty awesome, because I got to connect with a ton of my friends throughout the world.  There's nothing like skyping with London, DC, and yinzer friends in one day.

Mini-life crisis averted for the next few weeks. 

Counting My Eggs

Though I hate to admit it, I am eerily similar to my parents.  It is easy to see how personality traits have been handed down through my genetic makeup: the bouts of batshit craziness I occasionally have  (See strong black women, example 1 & example 2) and the awesomely unfortunate habit of counting my eggs before they hatch.

On a daily basis, I imagine a ridiculous amount of scenarios that borderline on chronic daydreaming.  Ever gone on a first date with me?  I planned out our entire life, counting for a dramatic breakup and a marriage with three children and a golden retriever (gift from my stepmom for the kids, obvs.). 

This habit is AWESOME if you are a teacher.  I was able to backwards design like a mother fucker and plan all of my students' reactions/able to differentiate instruction like a badass.  Shit, Luis Alberto is awesome at the shapes.  I need to get him an extenstion activity....fuckin' Luis Alberto.  But, I haven't stepped inside a classroom in several months, so my habit has just become decidedly less awesome.

All of a sudden, I am trying to decide whether I should:

a.) continue with my current job

b.) continue with my current job, until the summer when I can quit and do some medical tourism

c.) quit my current job and apply for jobs that are in the more comfortable range of 50,000 (salary comparison for friends:  NYC 80-100k equivalent, Boston 65k, DC: 70-85k)

d.) go to graduate school (H-to the arvard.  or H-to einz.)

Here's what I actually have:

a.) a current job, where my boss has started to respect me.

b.) a 2nd round job interview for a company that I like, no offer

c.) Applications into Harvard and Heinz, no acceptance

My biggest fear is that I will get the new job and the graduate school.  I love having options, but I feel like I am paralyzed by them too frequently.

Gah.  Thoughts? Advice?  I just want to grow up and be the version of Karl Sjorgen that works at the UN.  Is that so much to ask?